I’ve been home for almost four weeks.
I’ve done a lot but it feels like I haven’t progressed at all in my mind. I got some odd jobs, keeping me busy. It drives me crazy to have nothing to do and a day spent home feels like a painful sting.
Yet, I’ve done quite a lot of driving. Even a small, tiny tiny road trip through the alps. Got myself into some roads I wouldn’t have dared go (but let’s be honest, in the mountains you can’t really decide to do a u-turn in a narrow, cliffy path. You just grind your teeth and go down, hoping there’ll be enough space when another car shows up in front of you). But it felt good. It felt good to see the mountains, to be in the driver seat (bye car-sickness in the Alps!) and to just sing along with a friend on a countryside road. My parents did a good job. They made me like driving and I’m appreciating the long drives in the region.
When I came back home, I was a bit anxious about driving alone and being the only one in the car. But my mom desacralized the process well and only one week after, when my parents were gone, I was using the car everyday for small trips in the region.
I have to say, this is a curious summer for me. I have nothing planned. No big country to go visit, no faraway trips or destinations. It feels less like a punition than last year where I was bitterly looking at acquaintances travelling the world while I was working. I’m working too this summer, but less intensely. Let’s say that this time, I’m the one welcoming people instead of the one going to places. Some friends are visiting in July and August, and they will be my pieces of holiday.
I’m trying to see it as my last long-stay in Lyon before I really lift off for somewhere else. So it’s maybe not a bad thing that I’m there all summer. For one last time (hopefully?).
I don’t want to feed any feeling of inferiority that I cultivate when looking at my friends’ internet feed so I better convince myself well that I’m not wasting my time!
So this month, I’ve improved my driving and even came to like it. I made interesting encounters at work, found myself in crazy (and some boring) situations and it was worth it. I barely made any good money though, and the free time I have between each job is haunting me. Uuuugh, wasted time for nothing.
Other thing that I’ve done is work on my tanning. But the hours spent lying under the sun also feel like torture and just plain boredom. It’s true, I have some nice shades now (and some very very nice burns) but damn, can tanning be any less interesting? I can try to read a book, listen to podcasts or sleep, it just doesn’t feel rewarding.
To be honest, I think the one thing I’d like to do is travel around the region and make timelapses. So at least it feels like I’m doing something and I’m deserving all the views my Vimeo channel is getting on years-old videos. I want to be creative and I want to see amazing sights. I want to be challenged and not just look at another day passing being like “great, nothing happened”. Damn, I’m out of school for a good period of time, I should enjoy it before being forced to head back to useless essays!
So yeah. I know what I want to do. I just need to be doing it now. Tomorrow I’m working, 3 hours of driving to get to the working location being needed. Monday, some technical work needs to be done on the car (a driver-less car just collided with mine, you should have seen the scene, it was magical)(nothing bad happened, just esthetic damage) and then next working day is Wednesday. Better be doing something on Monday afternoon and Tuesday. Motivation motivation motivation! Time to get ambitious.